This testimony from one of our listeners is a bit of a roller coaster ride, but it is sure to be a blessing to all who hear it through. When we reach the bottom, many times that’s where we meet God. Listen as Crystal shares her story and the victory God gave.
A Hurtful Past
Through the early years of my life I was abused for a number of years by someone very close to me. I was young enough that I did not understand what was going on and so I never really did get the whole story. But it’s something I will never forget. I’ll never stop wondering if I could have done something to stop it or to fix things or if I should have told all the therapist something different or if I should have tried harder to cooperate. Then maybe, just maybe everything would have been easier?
Though I am safe now, I suffered years of guilt, blaming myself for things I never had any control over. I let myself go down a path of depression and anxiety, I shut myself out from the world and became insecure about me, and I started to turn to anything I could run to that didn’t involve help from others. Music was my top hit. You name it, I listened to it. And everything only got worse. I started cutting my arms and legs looking for a way to get my pain out. I wanted that release. Because I had no reason to go on, I tried overdosing and planning my own suicide. All that I believed was that I was ruined, my life has been messed up, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to change it.
Some of you understand where I come from. Statistics show that one of every six girls today are sexually abused at some point.
God has blessed me with Christian parents who care about me more than I will ever understand. But it was my fault that I didn’t take the time to communicate with them.
A Helpful Friend
A few years ago I met a girl who saw the path I was going down. She asked me to examine my life and ask myself: ‘If I died today—If I killed myself tonight, what would i be remembered as?’ As I thought about this, I realized how blind I had been to reality. All I wanted was the approval of people—for people to like me. I had no real friends. I wasn’t genuine about myself to anyone—I was a fake and I realize that day that all I had to leave behind was a bag of make up, a bag I used to mask myself and try to be a pretty girl with a fun life.
God brought this friend into my life to wake me up and see what I was doing with my life. I decided that day that if I was going to keep living, I needed to live a life that people remember. If I wasn’t living for God, what’s the point? That’s what I had been lost in. I have no lasting relationship with my Savior. Yes, I had the confidence of knowing that I had asked Jesus to forgive my sins at a young age, but I didn’t do anything with the truth I knew. Like a beautiful gift someone once gave me I never actually opened it.
An Encouraging Future
My life verse is Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
You see, God has an amazing plan for your life. And when you accept his free gift of salvation, he gives it to you to unwrap and embrace a new life worth living. This was what I had neglected. I neglected the new life of forgiveness from all my sins and guilt—everything that I suffered from—all I needed to do was claim God’s forgiveness. And when I did, I was so free. Yes, I had to get right with my parents and ask them to forgive me for being so disconnected and bitter with them, but it was so amazing when that burden was lifted off of me. God restored a life I could have been living for years. This is what the Christian life should be like for everyone.
When I found out about the Thee Generation, I was so excited about it. I can confidently say that I am fully surrendered to God’s calling for me. I want to be a missionary—I want to reach those people who are searching just like I was. Because it’s darkness. And some of you know what I’m talking about.
But let me tell you there is so much freedom on the other side. Jesus is the answer. No, it’s not easy. But it is simple. It’s faith and dependence on God to lead you down that road and to carry you when you can’t go on.
When you keep reading in Jeremiah 29, verse 13 says
And ye shall seek me, and FIND me, when ye shall search for me with ALL your heart.
It’s Jesus. And Jesus alone!