Hi! I’m Samantha. I was born into a christian family, saved at the age of three, and grew up attending church basically every time the church doors were open. By anyone’s standards, I was a good Christian girl. But the fact is, I was just a “good weather Christian” – one who did my devotions and kind of had a relationship with God when it was convenient and comfortable. I had everything going for me: my dad had a great job, I had a big, loving family, and I felt really secure. But the time came when I had to evaluate how I really was doing in my walk with the Lord…and it wasn’t very good.
In June of 2015 my 2-year-old brother had an asthma attack and stopped breathing on the way to the hospital. The Lord graciously spared his life, allowing the medical personnel to start him breathing again seconds before it was too late. As you can imagine, this really made me stop and think: what am I really depending on to get me through trials in life? But life went on. My brother came back from the hospital, and everything went back to normal, unfortunately, including my casual relationship with the Lord. Then in July, the day after my baby sister was born, my Grandma found my Grandpa dead in their house. This was very unexpected and I had been very close to him. I started to react the wrong way – against God. I found myself asking, “Why me? What have I done to deserve this?” I was careful not to express my feelings out loud, but inside I was doubting God.
As much as possible, our lives returned to somewhat normalcy. There was a big hole in our family, but I tried to ignore it. Then in August, as my mom was driving me to the doctor’s office for a strep test, a car ran a red light and hit our van in an 80-mile-an-hour head-on collision. During the ambulance ride to the hospital, holding my mom’s hand, I again thought, “Why me? Haven’t I been through enough this summer? Why would a loving God allow these horrible things to happen to a good girl like me?” It was lying in bed that night, after getting home from the hospital, that I realized that God was trying to get my attention. The trials He had allowed in my life that summer were part of a His plan to draw me closer to Him. He loved me, and wanted a deep, personal relationship with me – just what he desires with all people. In that moment, I made the decision to ask God to forgive me for doubting Him – for questioning His sovereign plan for me. And I also asked Him to forgive me for not having the deep relationship with Him that He desired with me. My spiritual life has been different since then. It hasn’t been perfect, but I have experienced God’s wonderful grace and love towards me, and I never want to lose that relationship with my God.